changes.

Well we moved into our new apartment in Greenville! We love it. Its all hardwood floor, 2 bed rooms, and the best parts (drum roll please): a dishwasher AND a laundry room!!! Never have I had either of those. No longer do I have to waste my Saturdays sitting at the laundry mat and no longer do I have to do dishes during my whole lunch break. PTL! Pics to come...

The title of our summer: patience and trust. Oh man, it has been super difficult. Scott has had a few great job opportunities that have presented themselves and every single one has fallen through. This has made me realize how selfish and greedy of a person I am. I know all the answers such as, everything will happen in God's perfect timing, He knows whats best for you, He's holding out for something great, He's teaching you to trust Him, etc. When life smacks you in the face for real and very tough times happen to you, the flesh gets in the way and Satan tries to reign over you. I think this is the most I have ever prayed in my life. That sounds ridiculous. We have cried out to God for clarity and direction, yet still have neither. We get the same wisdom: "you don't know the logistics behind what God is doing, but trust that He knows what's best and He has a plan for you." That is really hard to hear when we are ready for whatever or wherever the Lord wants us.

This morning I got up, turned on some Phil Whickham, and spent some time in prayer. I journaled for a long while and then decided to read the daily devotional I have: My Utmost for His Highest, by Oswald Chambers. This is when I realized I have been praying for an answer and have been becoming bitter toward God because He hasn't answered us the way we want Him to. Dwell on these words Chambers says:

First, he references Mt. 6:8, "Your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him."

Then why should we ask? The point of prayer is not to get the answers from God, but to have perfect and complete oneness with Him. If we pray only because we want answers, we will become irritated and angry with god. We receive an answer every time we pray, but it does not always come in the way we expect, and our spiritual irritation shows our refusal to identify ourselves truly with our Lord in prayer. We are not here to prove that God answers prayer, but to be living trophies of God's grace. Have you reached such a level of intimacy with God that the only thing that can account for your prayer life is that it has become one with the prayer life of Jesus Christ? Has our Lord exchanged your life with His vital life? If so, then "in that day" your will be so closely identified with Jesus that there will be no distinction. When prayer seems to be unanswered, beware of trying to place the blame on someone else. That is always a trap of Satan. When you seem to have no answer, there is always a reason--God uses these time to give you deep personal instruction, and it is not for anyone else but you.

Wow. It was evident God wanted me to hear this today. I want to pray without ceasing, but not just so God will answer my prayers the exact way I want them answered. I want His Will and I want clarity, but when I pray, I want to in order to become more intimate with Him. That is why I know I have been selfish and greedy. I am so thankful God speaks truth into our lives. He is not against us.